


List of Things Scythe is No Longer Allowed to Do in the Atlas Military Huntsman Corps

by WolfPrincessSarah



Series: AI Verse - One Shots [2]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Abyssal Infinitum Universe, Gen, Military Jargon, Military Shenanigans, Other, Skippy's List, just for fun, tomfoolery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfPrincessSarah/pseuds/WolfPrincessSarah
Summary: It's really a wonder why Hunter Lieutenant Redmond Scythe hasn't been kicked out of the Atlas Self-Defense Forces yet. Or worse.At least he's funny, maybe that's why they let him live.This is a list of 81 (for now) things that I figured an Atlesian soldier who was as mad-laddy as the guy behindSkippy's Listwould end up doing.Written mostly for fun, but it is canon for my overall AU, as something that a group of soldiers on Huntsman Outpost A in the tundra maintain in their off-hours.
Series: AI Verse - One Shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993534
Kudos: 5





	List of Things Scythe is No Longer Allowed to Do in the Atlas Military Huntsman Corps

  1. Not allowed to watch _My Little Beowulf_ while on duty.
  2. My proper military title is "Hunter Lieutenant Redmond Scythe", not "Queen Killmonger" or anything else.
  3. Not allowed to threaten anybody with magic powers that I do not possess already.
  4. Not allowed to threaten anybody with magical powers I _do_ possess already.
  5. Not allowed to play "Vacuan Roulette" with an automatic weapon and anybody above me in the chain of command. 
    1. Yes, even if you both have Auras up. What's even the point, then?
  6. Not allowed to add "as the prophecy has foretold" to the end of answers a superior officer asks of me.
  7. Not allowed to add pictures of fellow Huntsmen I don't like to the database of potential dissidents. 
    1. Yes, this means female huntsmen too. Just because we say Huntress as well doesn't mean Hunts _men_ can't be gender-agnostic.
    2. After exposure of the obvious-in-hindsight wording oversight in internal security incident N55-762-621, this has been extended to _all_ members of the Atlesian Military, regardless of gender identity.
  8. Not allowed to offer Faunus soldiers "Headpats". Once was funny, two or more times is annoying and a little offensive.
  9. Lieutenant Scythe is no longer allowed to name military operations, ever since news about the strategic failure "Operation Numbnuts" has hit the CCTN.
  10. "Recon and Grimm ID" does not mean "I looked out the window in the general direction of the LZ for 10 seconds and then took a nap".
  11. Not allowed to challenge a member of the Ace-Ops to a game of chance. 
    1. The only exception to this rule is Clover. By all means, go right ahead. In fact, we dare you.
  12. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul for the God of Darkness while on-duty.
  13. Not allowed to join any militia.
  14. Not allowed to _form_ any militia.
  15. I am assumed to be on quarters lockdown if any Special Operative or high-ranking member of the Atlesian military visits the Outpost.
  16. Ace Operative Ederne is not to be used a human body pillow. 
    1. No, not even if she says it's okay.
    2. Nor is she to be used as a human cannonball. 
      1. Not even if she signs a legal waiver.
  17. The standard-issue Military Huntsman rifle is officially designated in requisition papers as the "Mod 7, Mark 3 Pulse Rifle", not "The Shiny Boomstick".
  18. Not allowed to tell the Atlesian Guard that "Puppy dog eyes" is a valid interrogation tactic.
  19. Must get a haircut on a regular schedule, even if it tampers with my "Ozma, Hero of Legend" powers.
  20. The God of Light may not countermand any orders given to me by a superior officer.
  21. No longer allowed to call other officers immoral, untrustworthy, or darkspawn, even if I'm right.
  22. No longer allowed to antagonize members of the Vale Kingdom Security Bureau.
  23. No longer allowed to ask anyone who outranks me if they're "on something", especially if I do not specify what that "something" is.
  24. Must not tell any higher-ranking officer that I am smarter than them, especially if it's true.
  25. Never tell a Vacuan "We kicked your ass in the Great War!"
  26. No longer allowed to remove the energy cells from fellow soldiers' Scrolls. 
    1. Especially if it is presently in its alarm clock mode and said soldier is asleep.
  27. The Claihn'hari MP (Military Police) is not "after me pot-o-gold".
  28. Not allowed to wake a Guardsmen with a paper bag bag filled with Fire Dust. 
    1. No longer allowed to wake _anyone_ with a paper bag filled with Fire Dust.
  29. Not allowed to put responsibility for my actions on, nor even _use_ the phrase, "those damn, dirty apes". 
    1. Following Incident 347-D4B, I am, however, technically allowed to use the terminology "those damn, dirty apes" in regards to Beringels, but I am profoundly _discouraged_ from doing so in official reports.
  30. Not allowed to market my revolutionary idea of "Carrier Nevermores" to any of my fellow Huntsmen. 
    1. Following the Fall of Beacon, breaking this rule is punishable by summary assignment to Tundra Patrol.
  31. My Semblance is not "Making things 20% cooler", nor does it give me the supernatural ability to do any of the following at will: 
    1. "Perfect piss stream accuracy"
    2. "Enrage superior officers"
    3. "A calming snoot boop"
    4. "Conquer my inner demons"
    5. "Make bomb-ass five-alarm tundra chili"
    6. "Terrify small children"
    7. "Kill you with my mind"
  32. Cannot have traumatic flashbacks to battles I never fought in.
  33. Our Medic is called "Sgt. Ravenway", not "Daddy Alucard".
  34. The Quartermaster is called "Capt. Tavarne", not "Sugar Mama".
  35. Not allowed to ask for the day off because the world is coming to an end. We've been fighting back the end of the world for a hundred years, and you do not have an indefinite amount of leave accumulated, Lieutenant.
  36. "For the Emperor!" is not a motto of the Atlesian Military Huntsmen Corps, or the Atlesian Military as a whole, nor is it any of the following: 
    1. "Because f*ck you!"
    2. "We come from the land of the ice and snow!"
    3. "We've come here to kill Grimm, and snort Fire Dust, and we're all out of Fire Dust."
    4. "Because Irondaddy said so."
    5. "Something's getting shot today, and it isn't us!" 
      1. I dunno, this ones pretty witty -Ederne.A
      2. Don't encourage the man. -Ravenway.S
    6. "Throw Huntsmen at it until it stops squirming."
    7. "The icemen cometh!"
    8. "Everyone else needs to let that whole 'Great War' thing go."
    9. "Mantle 2: Electric Boogaloo"
    10. "We're freezing our tits off, but at least we don't have a ton of Grimm up here!"
    11. "You see 'em, we'll freeze 'em!"
    12. "We're just the Ace-Op's cannon fodder, really."
  37. Vacuan Punk Rock is not an acceptable substitute for standard marching cadence.
  38. Not allowed to put Ice Dust in my fellow Huntsmen's combat boots. 
    1. Not allowed to put _any_ kind of Dust in my fellow Huntsmen's combat boots.
  39. Not allowed to make pejorative references to General Ironwood in any marching cadence. 
    1. This applies to all currently serving Special Operatives and all other members of the Atlesian Council, as well.
  40. I do not have special security authorization to "audit" Special Operative Schnee's dresser drawers. 
    1. Nor any other female member of the Atlesian Military.
    2. Nor any other _male_ member of the Atlesian Military.
    3. After exposure of the obvious-in-hindsight wording oversight created by the previous statements in internal security incident N55-762-621, this has been extended to _all_ members of the Atlesian Military, regardless of gender identity.
  41. White and blue body paint is not an acceptable uniform, however well-hewn the silver accents were.
  42. I am not authorized to fire any member of the Atlesian Military besides myself. 
    1. This also applies to firing them "out of a cannon, into the sun." There is no cannon large enough to fit the average member of the Atlesian Military.
    2. Trebuchets are also right out.
  43. Not allowed to trade Atlesian technology for "Super Dust".
  44. Not allowed to sell Super Dust while on-duty.
  45. Mistrali Whisky is not an acceptable substitute for airship-grade Combustion Dust.
  46. May not use obscene gestures as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
  47. Command decisions do not need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
  48. The adage "It is better to ask for forgiveness, rather than to ask permission", no longer applies to Lieutenant Scythe.
  49. Penny is not a "super powered robo-maid". Yes, she 'cleans up' Grimm, but not literally.
  50. I am not authorized to modify my uniform cap with aluminum lining in order to "block out the Grimm emotional control radiation".
  51. No longer allowed to tell new recruits that the Grimm _have_ "emotional control radiation". 
    1. Unless the Grimm in question is an Apathy, in which case this is an acceptable safety tip.
  52. May not conduct social experiments on those assigned to my command. Townes' office is still being fumigated.
  53. May not pretend to be a Mantlean Shocktrooper, while on duty. The Shocktrooper Corps was phased out with the old government and has not existed for sixty years.
  54. Following Incident K09-SS4, I am no longer allowed to tell Manta pilots that they cannot perform any specific high-risk maneuver. That will result in a statistical certainty that the pilot in question will immediately attempt it.
  55. No longer allowed to wear a dress to any official functions. 
    1. Yes, gender is a social construct, but Atlesian Military Regulation U203.4 states that the issued Dress Uniform must be worn at all military events, regardless of the legal gender identity of the soldier attending.
  56. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "Dear Princess Solaria…"
  57. May not challenge anybody in my chain of command to drawing "pistols at dawn". 
  58. I am not authorized to conduct any form of Holy War. 
    1. Nor am I authorized to conduct any other form of War, for that matter.
  59. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
  60. Thermobaric warheads are not a "single-use campfire". 
    1. Neither are **[DESIGNATION CLASSIFIED]** warheads, Lieutenant. Very funny.
  61. My commanding officer is not old enough to have fought in the Great War, and I should stop implying that he did.
  62. I will not even _attempt_ to trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigars, booze, sexual favors, weapons belonging to other Huntsmen, as well as Ace _or_ Special Operatives, dropships, small Faunus children, or Hard Light Crystals. 
    1. I don't even want to _know_ what he wanted those Hard Light crystals for. -Tavarne.G
  63. Must not use military-issue Atlesian information technology to download bootleg pornography from the CCTN. 
    1. Especially if it is "artistic nudes" of Special Operative Schnee. 
      1. Anyone know where he found them? Just so I can make sure IT blocks that frequency. -Tavarne.G
      2. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) -Scythe.R
      3. Scythe is no longer allowed to edit this list. -Tavarne.G
  64. I cannot arrest children for being rude, even while on duty.
  65. Dust containment vessels should not be stored in my rack.
  66. A mission briefing is probably not the best audience for testing of my new off-color joke about the Mistrali.
  67. While this also goes for all Atlesian personnel, I will call Winter Schnee the "Ice Queen" at my own peril. 
    1. Note that this also applies to her sister.
  68. Not allowed to use a sword-gun to disprove "the pen-gun is mightier than the sword-gun".
  69. Not allowed to huff several cartridges of Fire Dust and tell new recruits that my Semblance "makes me part dragon". 
    1. Also not allowed to huff several cartridges of Ice Dust and tell new recruits that my Semblance makes me "part Wendigo".
  70. Replacing any Huntsman's Dust supplies with sugar mixed with food coloring is now a court-marshalable offense.
  71. I do not get "that time of the month". 
    1. Nor is my Semblance "gender swapping, but the changes are invisible to everyone else".
  72. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
  73. On training sorties, I will make my best effort to not shoot down the observation officer's dropship.
  74. We do not "charge into battle, naked, like the Claihn'hari".
  75. I am not allowed to tell new recruits that I have higher security clearance than General Ironwood.
  76. On official military documents, my race is not any of the following: 
    1. "Human-type Faunus"
    2. "Other"
    3. "Not telling"
    4. "Sentient Duty Cap attached to a Flesh Slave"
  77. Not allowed to tell new recruits that they must go to Administrator Victory and request an "ID-10-T" form for requesting leave.
  78. "If it was in your tailhole you'd know" is not an acceptable answer to "Where is your Duty Cap, Lieutenant?" _especially_ when asked by a tail-bearing Faunus soldier.
  79. Atlas is not, nor has it ever been the overlord of "all the light touches". 
    1. For that matter, neither has Lieutenant Scythe.
  80. Jacques Schnee is not "Father Frost", nor are the employees of the SDC his "Merry Little Elves". 
    1. Not even if they're supervising a delivery of prototype weapons around the time of the Winter Solstice.
  81. Following a large number of internal security incident reports, Lt. Scythe is no longer allowed to requisition Lightning Dust while off-duty.



**Author's Note:**

> And now for something completely different. This document absolutely exists in-universe for the Abyssal Infinitum, and the characters mentioned also exist. They even have canonical appearances; this list will be expanded and updated in later stories.  
>   
> These characters are planned to appear in _Penumbra_ , the planned sequel to _[While We Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22460455/chapters/53668210)_.  
>   
> As for why I'm releasing this at all before the first fic is even done?  
>   
> Because I can.


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